Regrets
by me and Mr. Jones
Summary: Sorry it's taken me so long to update, hope you enjoy, Sam's POV. Read and Review
1. Chapter 1

John took another swig of coffee which was only barely giving him enough energy to stay awake. He looked back at Sam who was soundly sleeping, stretched out across the back seat and Dean was curly up in the front. Dean had kicked ass earlier, they'd been after a howler and he'd managed to put his fear aside and killed the thing. Which if John was being honest with himself it made him proud as hell and sad at the same time. A 14-year-old kid should not, not be afraid of an 8-foot tall creature that could rip his vocal box out with his pinkie. Then again Dean could never do anything wrong in John's eyes. Sure he made mistakes but Dean was also better than John could ever hope to be. He looked over at his son and instead of seeing a 14-year-old he saw a ghost. Oh shit, he was dreaming and that meant he'd fallen asleep behind the wheel. This was bad.

Dean's eyes snapped open feeling the slightly shift in the impala. He turned to John. Dean grabbed the steering wheel,

"Dad! Wake up!" He cried, it was too awkward, so he unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned closer to the wheel. John kept pressing the gas and the impala was going faster and faster. "DAD!" Dean yelled. John opened his eyes just in time to see head lights blazing towards them.


	2. hospital

_Thanks for all the reviews. You didn't really think I'd leave you hanging for long, did you? This isn't really long but it's longer than chapter 1. Hope you enjoy. Oh and I don't own the Winchester boys (sob) they and Caleb, Bobby and Jim belong to Kripke and the CW. One day Kripke, one day._

Dean managed to get them out of the truck's way in time but in doing to he hit loose gravel. The out of control feeling only lasted a second before John grabbed the wheel. But it didn't matter it was too late the rear tire caught the side of the road. The next thing they knew they were sailing head first into a ditch, the impala flipped the last thing John Winchester heard before darkness over took him was a heart wrenching scream from his oldest son.

The sound of the heart monitor came into consciousness. He forced his eyes open and saw Pastor Jim sitting with Sam, he shut his eyes in relief, Sam was ok but then he remembered that scream and his heart skipped a beat, Dean hadn't had his seat belt on he'd had to unhook it so he could drive, because John fell asleep. As he looked at Sam, Sam fidgeted and bit on his fingernails. Neither Jim nor Sam was looking at John. Jim was praying and Sam was staring at the floor.

"You all right?" John managed to get out hoarsely. Sam's eyes shot up, John reeled under the pain they carried. Jim approached the bed, Sam shifted his position slightly but stayed seated. Jim kindly put his hand on John's.

"Sam's fine, John, and so are you, just a few cuts and bruises and a mild concussion."

"Dean?" At this name Sam's eyes filled with tears and he turned his face away. Oh God this was bad. All John could think was, _How could I have screwed up this much? Was hunt was worth child's life? _ _When you think that your son, the one that has always been there for you come hell or high water, is hurt or dead there is not a worst feeling in the entire world._

"He wasn't wearing a seatbelt, John, they found him laying a few yards away from the car. He fractured his skull and shattered his arm." Jim paused fighting back his own emotion. Sam had tears streaming down his face,

"They don't think he's gonna wake up. And if he does they don't think he'll ever walk again." Sam said heavily, wiping his face.

"Who's with him?" John asked horrified, tears welling up in the young hunter's eyes.

"Caleb and Bobby." Jim said, "Sam's been with him most of the time but he wanted to spend some time with you."

"But I'm going back to Dean now ok?" Sam asked. Jim and John nodded but Sam wasn't finished he walked up to his dad and hugged his as tightly as he could. "I'm glad you're all right Dad." Sam said smiling softly. John tried to smile back but he had put his son in a coma and possibly paralyzed him permanently. So instead he kissed Sam's head before the younger boy pulled away and when down the hall.

"Do you remember what happened John?" John nodded feeling the tears falling down his cheeks.

"Does Sam?"

"No, he was asleep, no one can figure out what happened because you were unconscious and Dean . . . " Jim paused. "Was Dean awake?" John nodded swallowing hard.

"I was the one asleep." he admitted quietly. Jim looked shocked.

"You let a 14-year-old drive?" He asked . John shook his head. And it was then that Jim realized what he meant. "You- yo- you fell asleep behind the wheel." He stated. John nodded.

" Dean was asleep until he felt the car swerve, he woke up and grabbed the wheel, unbuckling his seat belt in the process. He got me awake and I grabbed the wheel but we hit loose gravel and . . . " John covered his face as the tears hit his shirt. Pastor Jim had taken a few steps back, John couldn't decide if it was in shock or disgust. Truth was he was disgusted with himself. Suddenly Caleb ran into the room, his eyes wide and his skin pale,

"It's Dean."

SOOOO sorry to leave you hanging again, but I love cliff hangers MUHAHA I was thinking of doing the next chapter in either Dean or Sam's POV, let me know what you think I should do and as always please R&R


	3. Bobby

_I updated. Thanks to all those who reviewed. This is Bobby's POV, I've always liked the relationship between Bobby and Dean. VERY sappy but couldn't help myself. Hope you enjoy, please again let me know your opinion. _

He shouldn't be lying there, looking like that. He should be cracking a joke or

ribbing Sam about something, Sam did. He should be looking up at me with that crooked grin asking me for just a sip of whiskey. I had shut my heart off to everyone after my wife, that is until I met Dean. I met him when he was 4 years old and still didn't talk, huh, that changed. He'd come with John, 1 year old Sammy on his hip, and he'd completely ignored me, until he saw a car I was working on. It still took him 2 months to talk to me, or anyone, but that day, when he spoke to me for the very first time; it was something so simple and yet I remember, John nearly cried.

_Flashback_

_I was working on the old gray 69 duster, John and Dean were helping. Working on cars was a good way to blow off the stress of a hunter's life, and both Winchesters were good at it. Sam was sitting in his car seat to the side as Dean hung on every word I said to him. Every once in a while John would just look at him and smile. I could tell that Dean was John's pride and joy, but that boy would make any father proud. So we had finally finished the body work of the car, replacing the engine, completely redoing the interior, it'd taken me every free moment I had for 4 months and John and Dean working with me for about 5 weeks, to get her done. But there she was prettier than a picture. Dean was standing back with us as we surveyed our work and I noticed the dissatisfied look on the 4 year-old's face._

"_It'd look better dark blue." He said as though we'd just got done discussing what color it should be. My mouth nearly fell open and John let out a soft gasp in surprise, he'd spoken. John practically collapsed to the floor and engulfed Dean in a hug. Dean knew exactly what his father was so emotional about and he just let him squeeze. John shut his eyes and I knew he was stopping tears. After that Dean was a regular chatter box, giving his opinion on everything, whether it was wanted or not. _

That had changed again over the past few years and I wasn't sure I

understood it. It seemed that when Sam was about 5 something happened that had changed him, he still talked but there was something different about it. None of them had ever mentioned anything but I could tell.

That wreck, if that wreck took Dean's life or his legs. . . I had imprints of my fingernails I was trying so hard not to hit something. Why did it seem these boys were destined for heart ache? First Mary, now this, none of them deserved it. But I guess pain doesn't just happen to those who are bad. And Dean, Dean brought out the best in all of us, especially me. I had a temper like a hornet at times but all Dean had to do was smile that crooked smile and I was butter. Caleb had been a bit of a mean thing, that is until he met Dean, he just had this way of making you want to be better. That sounded like a girl, I know, but it's true. The way he was lying in that hospital bed was just unnatural. The glow of his face was gone, his eyes were shut so they couldn't get that mischievous twinkle, his mouth was straight so it couldn't grin and light up the room. I didn't even feel the tears until they hit my crossed arms. I quickly wiped them away, hunters don't cry. I could hear Caleb behind me and he was pretending not to notice, probably because he had his own tears to deal with. Sam had even tried to hide his tears but he was 10 and this was his brother and basically care giver for the past 9 and a half years. He had every right to cry.

Dean had this innocense about him as he lay there, and even though his face was cut up and his lip was busted and his jaw was broken; he still looked like he didn't have a worry in the world, and that, I have to admit, I enjoyed seeing. I'd never seen that in him, being so young when his mother died and being thrust into this world of evil, he'd grown up far too soon. To see him perfectly content brought me a small amount of relief. And I selfishly wanted him to wake up as soon as possible.

I didn't know what I would do if Dean didn't wake up, he'd become the son I'd never had. John, I could live without, even Sam, but Dean, I wasn't as sure. There was just something about that kid that made it impossible to know him and not love him. When I'd heard about the accident, my heart broke at the very thought of Dean dead in a ditch somewhere. So he had to live, because if he didn't. . . If he didn't, I don't think I would either.

Sam stared hard at the floor as though trying to make it do something about Dean. There was another one that wouldn't make it if Dean wasn't all right.

"Bobby." The voice took me by surprise, like that first time I'd heard it 10 years ago. For a second I didn't think it was real, I thought my desperation was playing tricks on me. But his eyes were open, it really was him, he was awake. "The mushy, crying man is not a good look for you." there was that crooked grin.

_Please Review. And I would really like your opinion if you'd like to see the story go in a certain direction. I have the overall plot and things but if there's something you'd like to see happen, tell me and I'll see what I can do. _


	4. Sammy

_Hey sorry it took me forever to update. But for being so patient, you get two chapters. Also this is told in Sam's POV, so it's a little elementary, I know Sam's smart, but being 10 I don't think he's gonna talk or think like a 20-year old. Hope you don't mind and if you do tough. Hehe. Hope you enjoy._

His eyes were open, he was smiling at Bobby, he was awake. Then he turned to me, his green eyes going over all my cutes and bruises. Once seeing that I was fine, he smiled. Those smiles that he put on to make me feel better when dad wasn't around. That smile he gave me when bullies hurt me. The smile was pure comfort and the feeling I got hadn't changed. I smiled back and couldn't resist throwing my arms around him. My big brother, my protector, my best friend was alive, he was gonna be all right.

How are you feeling, Ace?" Caleb asked.

"A little tired but I assume that's from the drugs. I hadn't realized I'd grabbed his hand until I felt him squeeze mine. "How's dad?" He asked me.

"He woke up just a few minutes ago, we'd thought it would be a lot longer before you woke up." He looked at me confused.

"Why?"

"You were thrown from the impala." Bobby told him. He looked very surprised, a little too surprised.

"What?" I really didn't like it if Dean thought he was being funny, but by the look on is face he was completely serious.

"Don't you remember?" Bobby asked. I could hear the worry and maybe a little fear in his voice.

I remember waking up when dad fell asleep, grabbing the wheel and waking dad up."

"Your Daddy fell asleep behind the wheel!?" Bobby cried and it was something that made me a nervous.

"We'd been hunting a howler, he was tired, we all were, he was just the one that couldn't sleep, you would have done the exact same thing." Dean instantly did what he always did, he stuck up for Dad. "Anyway, what are you talking about I was thrown from the car."Bobby sighed and went on.

"He lost control and slammed into a ditch." I was scared and confused. I don't know what happened but I could see in Dean's eyes and he was just as confused.

"No, he got the impala back under control, We drove nearly 50 more miles looking for a hotel and then . . . " he stopped looking at me then he looked up at Bobby and Caleb, he was terrified. "I can't remember" his voice shook, I can't remember a time I ever saw him this scared. "Why can't I remember the wreck? I remember the 50 miles because we talked about mom." But Dad never talks about mom, ever. I've tried a bunch times to get both Dad and Dean to tell me about her but they just get this sad look on there faces and say 'not now.' So why would they talk about her to each other?

"I'm gonna go get John and Pastor Jim." Caleb stated, looking at Dean like he was crazy but with pity too. Dean was looking from me to Bobby, back to me and then at his feel.

"What am I remembering?" He stared at me. "Was I dreaming all that?" He looked so hurt that I could barely able to hold his stare. He shut his eyes for a minute and when he reopened them they were blurred with tears. "I know I'm right. Yesterday was mom's birthday and I asked if he remembered. Ask him about that." He demanded. Bobby nodded then said,

"First wiggle your toes." Oh I had completely forgotten that he might not be able to walk. He looked at Bobby like he was asking something crazy. I just looked at his feet...

_Sorry to leaving you hanging. Who is right? John or Dean? Neither? Both? And what about Dean's legs? Please Review. Thanks._


	5. 50 miles

_Hey sorry for taking so long to update. Again. This is back in general POV. This is a little confusing, but it's supposed to be, the characters are confused. Please review. Also this picks up where chapter 1 left off._

"It's Dean." The sound of Caleb's voice was something that didn't sit well with John or Jim. He was worried but trying to sound optimistic, but he was failing.

"What is it?" Jim asked, John's voice hung in his throat, unable to speak afraid of the reply.

"He's awake." Both men sighed in relief, knowing that any other problem could be fixed. "But . . . " Oh shit, there was a but. "He's a little mixed up." At that moment John had the overwhelming desire to choke Caleb, he'd given them hope and then ripped the rug out from under them a second later.

"What do you mean? He doesn't know anyone or something." John's voice shook part in panic, parts in anger. Caleb blinked knowing that if he didn't give John the right answer, the hunter would probably kill him.

"No, firstly he said you fell asleep behind the wheel," John flinched, Dean remembered that. "Which can't be because . . . " The ashamed father looked down at his hands, Caleb noticed. "You DID fall asleep?" He asked, anger lacing his voice, but John nodded. "WHAT THE HELL JOHN!?" He yelled "YOUR SON COULD HAVE DIED!" Then he paused "you realize that right?" This time his voice wasn't anger or worry, it was sad. Caleb and Dean were close, and Caleb had stopped breathing when he heard Dean had been badly hurt. "He still might." Caleb started.

"Caleb." Jim scolded slightly. They both looked at John who looked softly at Caleb.

"No, he's right, I put my sons at risk," But Caleb wasn't quite finished and he put a hard look on his face.

"Yeah you did and-," he was cut off by Pastor Jim's harsh look. Neither John nor Caleb knew why Jim was sticking up for him. "Anyway the police said that you slammed in a ditch, flipped, and Dean was thrown for the car." Then he hesitated looking up at Jim and putting his jaw length hair behind his ear. "But Dean said you got the car back under control and drove nearly 50 miles. After that though he doesn't remember anything. How is it possible that John wouldn't remember driving nearly an hour? "And the thing is . . . " Caleb paused. "There were no tire tracks on the road suggesting that you lost control where you wreck." He reported.

"That's- I- No there has to be some mistake. I had the brakes on the entire time. I swear I did." John looked from Caleb to Jim praying that didn't think he actually meant to drive into the ditch.

"Actually John, it looks to the police that you just drove into the ditch in complete control" Jim stated. John continued to look from one to the other, expecting one of them to say 'just kidding' because if not they were saying that he purposefully wreck a car, putting my children in danger and he'd driven 50 miles without any recollection of doing so.

"No, I . . . " John began but Caleb quickly interrupted

"Dean said you talk about . . . " he hesitated. "Mary." John almost flinched, he never talked about Mary, it hurt too much, especially to Dean, who reminded him so much of her. Dean had her eyes and her laugh, and smile. John shook his head, no he'd remember talking about her.

"No, I think he's wrong." And John hated to admit that because admitting that meant that something could be wrong with Dean.

"DAD!" Sam cried as he ran into the room, a grin plastered on his cheeks. "He can walk!" All three men sighed, their chests deflating. "Oh and dad Bobby told me to ask you. Was yesterday mom's birthday?" John stared at him, his mouth was hanging open and he didn't care.

"No, Sammy, your mom's birthday was two months ago."

_OK first of all I would like to say I am so sorry for how confusing that is. It will make sense by the end, I swear. And secondly little bit of a cliff hanger. And last but certainly not least please review. I need help, as you can tell. ;P_


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